American Elections 2012: What is a Mormon?

The next edition from our travelling contributor Jack Spanish!

Catch up from his previous posts HERE! 


What is a Mormon?


No Cindy it is not a cold fish.

No Ronald it is not an extinct hairy dinosaur elephant.

No Jonny, not a Moron, a Mormon.

So…It all started in the 1820’s when Angels appeared to a human Joseph Smith, in the manner that Angels have appeared to other humans – Abraham, Moses, Noah, Daniel, Mother Mary and her beau, Mohammed, to name a few. The Angels directed Joseph to Gold Engraved Plates buried by early day Saints (half human – half Angel), in upstate New York, who had been led to the America’s by a resurrected Christ, in early AD. Joseph dug up the Gold Engraved Plates, and translated the writing into the Book of Mormon, which forms the foundation of the Mormon religion, along with the Bible. Richard Dawkins described Joseph as a conman, fake, and a common fraud – as if only he is possessed of the real truth. For me, if you look at it logically (not as a religious person), there is less chance of the devious meanderings of broken telephone in Joseph’s word than in all the others, but I’d still like to see the Gold Plates, you know, get some cold hard evidence – all these things getting lost always – Joseph’s multi colored coat, Moses’s staff, Noah’s Boat, the Holy Grail, dare I say…Jesus’s body, and now Joseph’s Gold Engraved Plates. Sometimes to believe you might like to hear something other than:  ‘some dude who spoke to God, or God’s chosen representatives said.’ I am not saying I don’t believe Joseph – I am saying NO plates…and Joseph SMITH.

Mormon’s under Joseph Smith were polygamous, but that changed, sadly, when Ricky Baby Sanatorum’s Roman Catholic ancestors wanted to go to war with them because of it. Mormon’s are now monogamous and similar in thought to most organized religions – no gays, no abortion, no sex before marriage (or birth control, for religious rather than health reasons), no alcohol, no tobacco; Republican. Today there are about 13 million Mormons in the world. It is the Mormon’s, and East African Pirates who are currently having the most success with conversions in West Africa.

Mitt Romney is a Mormon, and proud of it – he calls it his Faith. You have to admire him, a little, for being so open; it is not the most politics friendly religion – polls show that Mormons are not as trusted by conservative Republican’s as your garden variety Bible Basher, but are more trusted than Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and Atheists.

What I find peculiar, in this day and age, I mean 2012, is this opaque requirement that all Presidential Candidates have a not insubstantial amount of knee bending under their belt – FAITH – for want of a better illusion. Even Our Newt claims to be a born again Christian. It must annoy him, putting up that act, and knowing whom it is that he is acting for. I know it is not nice to bash a man for his Faith – Lord knows we all need a little bit more belief in something to enhance this humanities morality.

The thing for me is – it’s a human office, that of the President of the Brave New Free World – we might all be better served, by a man who didn’t have his head in the clouds…


Jack Spanish – 10/2/2012



One thought on “American Elections 2012: What is a Mormon?”

  1. Sadly, Jack Spanish got many, many facts wrong in this poorly written article (poorly written because of the grammatical errors! If you can’t afford to hire an editor, hire a college intern, they could catch the obvious errors). More than half the facts about Mormons in this article are wrong. And who says that having faith in something means that your head is in the clouds? One of the most common teachings in the Mormon faith is self-reliance and independence. A good example of two feet firmly on the ground is Mitt Romney, who you can’t deny has been quite successful in his life.

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