From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 2.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Logo Design

Hello David,

I would like to catch up as I am working on a really exciting project at the moment and need a logo designed. Basically something representing peer to peer networking. I have to have something to show prospective clients this week so would you be able to pull something together in the next few days? I will also need a couple of pie charts done for a 1 page website. If deal goes ahead there will be some good money in it for you.

Simon

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 3.52pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 4.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Logo Design

Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? I told you the previous projects did not go ahead. I invested a lot more time and energy in those projects than you did. If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 5.27pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

You are correct and I apologise. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.

I would no doubt find your ideas more ‘cutting edge’ and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950′s but as it stands, your ideas for technology based projects that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer to peer networking technology to shame as not only would it have commercial viability, but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.

Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1.36pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.

When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light so I constructed a time machine by securing my father’s portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the footpath at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report “Cause of accident?” I stated ‘time travel attempt’ but she wrote down ‘stupidity’.

If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wielding the business plan equivalent of a retarded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon LeBon’s the day before a large family gathering.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.29pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You really are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.58pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a fucking smart arse about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few fucking hours.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.25pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype which would have taken me a few hours and fifteen years experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don’t ask me to design them a logo, pie charts or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately though, as your business model consists entirely of “Facebook is cool, I am going to make a website just like that”, this non exchange of free services has no foundation as you offer nothing of which I wont ask for.

Regards, David

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

What the fuck is your point?
Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.02pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.13pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Do not ever email me again.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.19pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know.

Regards, David

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Get fucked.

A bizarre moment in horse racing (which is a rather bizarre thing in itself). Watch the last 30 seconds.

Thanks Jamie

And finally . . ahhh Pres you so funny man (damn the White House has gotten funny!)

I love these guys – they are truly sick but their sense of humour just fits this NAFI friday – so enjoy just how cruelly sick comedy can get!

Now before the HATE mail starts -- let this be said -- this was submitted by a WOMAN! So once you have watched this and if by some chance you are female please start laughing and say thank goodness we have become equal players in society -- DO NOT go straight to your email and start swearing at us poor STMers!

But SERIOUSLY what happened to the good old days

Are your tea bags missing something? Maybe the more authentic appearance of a ball sack slowly plunging in and out of your mug is what you’ve been searching for. Wait no more.

Reminds me of this one time on a Knysna holiday after a whole lot of booze. Good times!

Thanks Jimbo

Damn i love a good salesman – i mean there is nothing better in the world than i guy trying to sell something and he or she pitches it so perfectly that the consumer believes it is their idea to buy it in the first place – that is sales perfection!

Now as perfect as a sale can be there is the flip side – when the seller is so poor and (in this case) delusional that it becomes the most entertaining thing just to see them try . . . Enjoy . . . (ps wait for the ‘throw your hands in the air like you just dont mind’ CLASSIC!)

This is a max wicked sick BMX. It’s a Reliance Boomerang and it’s done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE – Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it’s an old BMX, but it’s radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos – 234. Sick Wheelies – 687. Skids – 143,000. Bunny Hops – 2 (Bunny Hops are gay and my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I’m Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts – 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don’t mind.

So we often paste the funny side of FB – but there is a sad side. You know what i mean – those guys who continually find the hottest chick in the club – take a photo and mobile upload it because they think their friends will buy it – DUDES WE DONT!

There are a whole host of these sad individuals and i think its important they know! So take the simple test below, the results are just for you but its important you find out just how much of an FB douche you are – and if you are PLEASE PLEASE STOP! Stop now before you piss any more people off! (if you are its already too late!)

• You regularly post photos of yourself standing near hot chicks we all know you’ve never boned.
• You’ve posted any photos of yourself in which you’re wearing a sideway visor and/or popped collar.
• You’ve posted even a single photo of yourself looking in the mirror with your shirt off.
• You automatically cross-post all the dumb shit you send out on Twitter. Hey, douchebag, retweet this:
• You post anything related to Mafia Wars or Farmville. Yes, anything. And yes, this includes you.
• You use Facebook to keep the world apprised of your every thought and action. If we know what you had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner today — and we weren’t engaged in intercourse with you in between all of those meals — we have a problem.
• You can’t spell and/or you use way 2mne abbreviations in ur msgs!
• You send out regular links to Facebook quizzes. Here’s a quiz for you: Who’s a Certified Facebook Douche? If you pointed at yourself, congrats.
• You send out more than one Facebook invitation per month.
• You use Facebook as a soapbox for all the annoying shit no one wants to hear you say in person. This just in: We ignore your boring political rants online as much as we do in real life.
• You have more than four photos posted of yourself holding a beer.
• You take it upon yourself to give us play-by-play of your favorite sporting events via your status updates. If we want to know what’s happening in the fucking game, we’ll watch the fucking game.
• More than 10 percent of your Facebook updates look like quotes from Office Space — and they aren’t being sent as jokes. Keep your case of the goddamn Mondays to yourself, Lumbergh.

The guys at OkCupid, using data from 9785 people, found that iPhone users aren’t just getting fcuked by Apple.

That, or you could hypothesize that iPhone users are more image conscious, put more into their appearance and are therefore likely to have more sex. Or not.

If anyone can – Steve Jobs can – and believe me as his biggest fan I would graciously follow, but this time be careful Mr Jobs – do so at your peril. I hope not, but mark my words – this may end badly!

Thanks Lee