So Shaq released an album and was mocked for it for the rest of his life and he is one of the biggest sporting superstars globally in one of the most watched sports worldwide (granted mainly by the yanks but still!). To be completely fair we think the abuse should have been far louder -- DON’T YOU KNOW SPORTSMEN DON’T DO MUSIC! If you have a talent use it whichever way you want -- for chicks (Tiger Woods!), for branding (Tiger Woods!), for money / sponsorships (TIGER WOODS!) and I won’t go on, but NEVER EVER use it to try bring out a music video!

Our world class hobbyists (thats code for South African cricketers) have decided that AB needs to lead them into the world of music and they have given new meaning to the saying ‘in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king’ -- it may be that we only understand a small portion of the lyrics and I can only imagine I would have tears in my eyes if I knew the rest (thats tears of shame if you were curious)!

Never the less if you are interested in cricketer Afrikaans rock -- this one’s for you!

AB de Villiers & Ampie du Preez -- Maak Jou Drome Waar

Following on from the genius TXTs from last night - we stumbled across the following classics!

Enjoy . . .

FOR MORE CLASSICS – GO HERE!

Im still reeling after Dick Muirs so brilliantly said – this will be a very tight affair – you wont see last weeks antics at Loftus with open big scoring type of play – WELL DONE DICK YOU GOT IT SPOT ON!

Most people came from Saturdays game saying what a spectacle and we were so close etc etc when in fact they should have been saying holy sh*t how have we gone from being the greatest Springbok team ever to getting pipped by a young defenseless Aussie team? Last week at STM we already started saying there is no defensive pattern no cohesion and absolutely no confidence between team mates and saturdays first 30 minutes was complete evidence of that – we went down so far so quick it was almost irrecoverable! Lest we forget this is the MOST CAPPED SPRINGBOK SIDE EVER – i guess that was shown in the strength of character to come back BUT how did we get so far down!

While i was reading the Sunday paper si came across the article in the independant by Etienne someone or other that actually made us cringe – there are a large portion of fans and journos that think we almost did it – we almost won – the bottom line is a year out from the world cup New Zealand would tear us and Australia apart in seconds and we think its ok to be comparing ourselves to Australia?

Mark Keohane said it so well when he said De villiers is still living on another planet! His answer to the shocking run off results is we have systems in place to win the world cup – now lets be fair Jake said the same thing in his tri nations disasters but if you have taken the greatest talent – most experienced team and turned them into a bunch scared defenseless idiots – THIS IS CAUSE TO BE CONCERNED!

I took alot of abuse over the weekend about being cynical and criticizing too much but have we not deserved to expect more? I mean had this team not  reached the highs that it had we would have called for all their heads which would be wrong but thats how fickle fans can be and i think we have the right to be! WE WANT TO WIN – SIMPLE! We put our faith, money and hearts into these guys – they get paid a fortune for what they do AND THEY NEED TO WIN – so when a run of 5 (should have been 6) defeats comes this type of abuse and cricism!

On the good news side – Hougaard is beginning to look like Fourie Du Preez which is saying a hell of a lot for the young man but he could be one of the greatest talents to start shining! Guthro has probably been the best Springbok this tri nations and Juan Smith has brought back some great defense and open play running that we have been sorely missing!

But bottom line is im more nervous now as a supporter than i have been in a long time and what makes matters worse is this team should be calm, settled and taking rugby as a game to the next level when instead they are wallowing around marginal victories or defeats to a young inconsistent Aussie team!

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 2.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Logo Design

Hello David,

I would like to catch up as I am working on a really exciting project at the moment and need a logo designed. Basically something representing peer to peer networking. I have to have something to show prospective clients this week so would you be able to pull something together in the next few days? I will also need a couple of pie charts done for a 1 page website. If deal goes ahead there will be some good money in it for you.

Simon

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 3.52pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 4.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Logo Design

Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? I told you the previous projects did not go ahead. I invested a lot more time and energy in those projects than you did. If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 5.27pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

You are correct and I apologise. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.

I would no doubt find your ideas more ‘cutting edge’ and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950′s but as it stands, your ideas for technology based projects that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer to peer networking technology to shame as not only would it have commercial viability, but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.

Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1.36pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.

When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light so I constructed a time machine by securing my father’s portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the footpath at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report “Cause of accident?” I stated ‘time travel attempt’ but she wrote down ‘stupidity’.

If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wielding the business plan equivalent of a retarded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon LeBon’s the day before a large family gathering.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.29pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You really are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.58pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a fucking smart arse about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few fucking hours.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.25pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype which would have taken me a few hours and fifteen years experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don’t ask me to design them a logo, pie charts or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately though, as your business model consists entirely of “Facebook is cool, I am going to make a website just like that”, this non exchange of free services has no foundation as you offer nothing of which I wont ask for.

Regards, David

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

What the fuck is your point?
Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.02pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.13pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Do not ever email me again.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.19pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know.

Regards, David

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Get fucked.

. . . what the hell has the world come to – i mean seriously!

We came across this piece of info yesterday and this finally made me breakdown and cry! I mean if a guy cannot pay for a prostitute and take her wherever he wants to do what he wants then we are losing as a society – im getting desperately concerned today!

Its seems that due to the massive amount of prostitutes who are willing to do whatever needs to be done in full view of the public – the government has decided that it needs to act and act fast – so what did the super efficient Swiss come up with?

This . . .

“The idea itself is adopted from German cities like Essen and Cologne, and will be a way for prostitution to continue on behind closed, uh, doors.

The boxes will serve as quickie drive-throughs, so-to-speak, and will free up city streets from unsightly acts that haunt Zurich residents whose homes overlook the city’s red light district. “They get up to all sorts in broad daylight – and we’re sick to death of looking at it,” one resident told the U.K.’s Metro.”

Seriously dudes how f**king sad is your life that you need to pay some poor girl to get in your car and park in the most depressing space in the universe and do what i dont wanna know to you! The saddest thing is that this doesnt happen often or alot BUT it happens so much that the government had to put up these hideous things to stop children from being scarred for life!

And you always thought the swiss were civilized?

if you dont know there is a very important vote taking place in November called PROP 19 – to potentially legalize MARIJUANA in CALI if it goes through STM will open new offices there and you are all welcome. So who can stop this?

In all seriousness though – how is this a bad thing in a South African context? I mean right from the fact that it will control who grows, distributes and can buy it (this will also improve quality lets be fair) through to freeing up police and courts who waste their time arresting and prosecuting users and finally to the fact that the government can ‘sin’ tax the f**K out of the product!

I mean i cannot think of an argument as to why this shouldnt happen – and dont come with your crap that people will just sit around and smoke all day and be unproductive cause lets be fair the people who are going to do that are f**king doing it already – i cant imagine civil society will all decide to leave their jobs and stay home and get stoned!

The bottom line remains it is illegal currently and no matter how stupid it is our government will continue to spend their time on stopping smokers from have a cigi ANYWHERE rather than looking at more financially viable solutions to problems – BUT wait there may be a solution short term (although we think its complete crap) here it is . . .

This stuff is apparently FAKE WEED with real effects and IS legal? I know doesnt sound quite real but apparently its not bad – IF YOU WANT THE FULL STONER REVIEW GO HERE – this company has a whole range of the stuff that seems well marketed and pretty cool packaging – GO CHECK OUT THEIR SITE?

. . . so you SHOULD know by now that the STIG has been unveiled. And if for some reason you have been living on some far off planet his name is Ben Collins. Your next question should be who the hell is he? Personally we were quite disappointed when we found out who it was -- we though it would be someone fun and powerful that had been moonlighting as the stig -- and when this relative nobody was revealed it was almost a let down! BUT when you read about him you start to realize the man actually is a phenomenally talented guy who just wasnt given a shot at the big time for various reasons!

Here is our humble tribute to the man who has been a key part of one of our favorite shows for years . . .

GO HERE FOR HIS BIO -- IT IS VERY IMPRESSIVE!

Heres a snippet . . .

Collins has competed in motorsport since 1994.^[10] In 1995 he competed in Formula Vauxhall Junior, finishing third overall with two wins and eight podiums. He also competed in the Formula Opel Winter Series, placing second overall driving for Sir Jackie Stewart who commented in Autosport Magazine, “When you see the likes of Ben Collins in Formula One, remember you saw them here first”

We all know what a superb advert for the country the world cup was etc etc (its been said to death) but the question is what has it done for South African soccer? The short answer is right now nothing really – i mean yes its gotten alot more of us to watch and support and i guess itll take a long time for all the ‘grass roots’ initiatives that FIFA and the like have setup BUT what about here and now – what about the players??

Well here is one story of talent that will hopefully be handpicked by one of Englands biggest and best . . .

SuperSport United captain and Bafana Bafana star defender Bongani Khumalo is expected to join leading English Premiership club Tottenham Hotspur in the January transfer window.

Khumalo’s business manager Glyn Binkin confirmed on Tuesday that the 23-year-old central defender who shone for Bafana in the Word Cup, that a deal would be concluded with Spurs by end of business on Tuesday.

But the talented defender would not be moving to White Hart Lane by the end of the transfer window on Tuesday (August 31) as had been speculated.

“The deal is on going at present. The plan is for Khumalo to play as many matches this year for Bafana and get more caps and join Spurs in January,” Binkin said.

GO HERE FOR THE FULL ARTICLE . . .

I think these two may actually be the coolest couple on the planet so to use them with the backdrop of South Africa to promote LV is a superb idea! How did they get the infinitely genius and humanitarian Bono to sell his soul you ask – well not only did he ‘sell his soul’ but it is the first time he has done an ad without his band!

So WTF is going on? Just read below it’ll all make sense – the man is truly a legend!

Bono and his wife Ali

Instead of Vuitton, the two wear Edun, the ethical clothing label they founded in 2005 to encourage trade with Africa, and in which LVMH took a 49 percent stake last year. What’s more, Hewson totes a handbag co-designed by Edun and Vuitton that comes dangling with a special charm that is the French firm’s first made-in-Africa product. (It’s also sold separately.)

The image of Bono and Hewson disembarking from a small airplane in an arid South African vista — with the tag line “Every journey began in Africa” — is slated to break in mid-September in a range of daily newspapers, October magazines and on louisvuittonjourneys.com. The collaboration also will dovetail with an event during Paris Fashion Week, when Vuitton and Edun will unveil Africa Rising, a temporary exhibition of contemporary African art along with a showcase for the campaign and Edun’s spring collection. Bono and Hewson are expected to attend.

GO HERE if you want to check out the previous ads for LV – superb stuff!

Via LUXIST for the full article!

So JHB is going to be the first place in SA to hit Spring properly! So for all you coastal bastards – SUCK IT (im just angry cause I have to head back to the Cape for the week and I miss JHBs perfect sunny spell)!

Never-the-less in honour of this perfect occasion we have decided to show you the greatest places on earth to spend the first day of Spring!

Golden Triangle Resort, Thailand

And if you think this is the best part of the hotel is suggest you CLICK HERE if you have some disposable income – if you dont just carry on reading and get a box of tissues for the pain!

Sheraton Waikiki, Hawaii

Again depending on your level of spending power you should definitely CLICK HERE to see the hotel where this is shot – even if you cant do it just for a few minutes open the windows in your house / office whatever – smell the perfect Spring air (if you are in JHB) and imagine you are in this place!

Rangali Island - Maldives

Now so far we’ve been playing but seriously a beach villa in this place may actually be the best place to spend Spring (JUST GO LOOK!)

Check out the rest of the perfection of Spring pics? Via Izismile

If we have in any way depressed you because you are not going to spend tomorrow in any of these perfect locations – DONT STRESS – most of them are northern hemisphere and they will be absolutely CRAP tomorrow as well as CAPE TOWN and you have a full six months to get your shit together and get on a  plane!

FOR MORE INFO GO – MITCHELLS BREWERY or contact the guys here lliam@mitchellsbrewery.com

For those of you who have been slightly backward – now is really your chance to catchup. Normally we dont like to post stuff unless we have actually tried it (this applies completely to the Q&A and the BEAUTY BEAUTY links of this blog)

So after trying these guys out (36Boutiques) more often than i though i would i must say they are HIGHLY recommended – superb service delivery and exceptional products on offer!

The sales are for a limited time only and you can only get in if you are invited – so for an invite send us a note on TWITTER or on FACEBOOK

36boutiques.com

So after another fairly alcohol / party fueled weekend we have come to the conclusion that our family and friends really do say some seriously funny sh*t – so it is only right to share it with you!

True that it doesn’t manage to rival the pure pornography that is on TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT but some of it is seriously funny – to protect the nature of the individual we have decided to only give sex and rough age (rough age because i dont want to be beaten to death by an angry female friend!)

So here goes;

Ranting from the people – Female mid 20s “Im a real dick magnet . . . but not in a good way”

SO the day started out like any other test match day! Calm lunch in the normality of Melrose Arch in JHB before trekking to the boerewors curtain for what normally becomes and afternoon of tredding in a bucket of brandy and coke (IT DIDNT HAPPEN THIS TIME its was spiced gold and coke !!)

Nevertheless it was really cool to see the Soweto Marimba band rocking the entrance to the stadium – they were simply superb and i urge you all to go check out their site!

This did seem a little out of place at Loftus but then through the clearing we heard ‘kaptein’ booming from the stage with a mass amount of Castle branding – now we were in  it!

Nevertheless to get to the game (at this point to be fair we were a few beers and 2 spice and coke in – and for some reason HENNIE who runs the box doesnt go lower than a 50 / 50 ration split) so my commentary may be slightly sparse!

So Victor ran on for what should have been an earth shattering 100th appearence yet the stadium was but half full and those in seats seemed not to be too excited until DIE STEM started which is always about right for Loftus crowds (this still sickens me that the Dutch cant seem to learn the anthem 15 years on)

VICTOR RUNS ON FOR HIS 100th CAP

HE RAN ON TO THIS PATHETIC CROWD!

SO on to the actual game! Im not sure how to comment on this game other than to say this is the strangest test match ive ever seen!! To go down two tries then two one then three one etc etc all in like the first 20 minutes had us staring at each other asking WTF just happened!

In fact when Juan Smith dove over to score the crowd was so confused at what had just happened that it was almost quiet!

We werent confused as to why we were scoring – we were confused because ive never seen a more disorganized Springbok side in my life! We are just lucky the wallabies are so crap currently! Our defensive line was more like a defensive CLUMP and our attack looked like u14f players all just trying to get the ball so they could wave at their moms!

Our assistant coaching staff should be shot – they have consistently for a year depreciated that team / made the wrong subs at the wrong time and managed to take one of the greatest Springbok teams ive ever seen and turn them into a bunch of nervous, organisationless fools (al be it very strong very talented fools!)

I took two sad things out of Saturdays game!

One was for Vic Matfield who is a true legend and for him to play hiss 100th at Loftus and not pack out the stadium just shows how stupid South African rugby fans are (i suppose you could have seen that from the inability to learn the anthem)

The second is that the players and the coaches will now get some reprieve for their efforts when in fact we should be at our most nervous about this team right now! There are shades of brilliance no question in fact Hougaard may even become better than Fourie one day, Juan is back with a vengeance and John Smit is showing some form again (nobody mention Bryan Habana – i dont give a fk how tired he is he almost cost us the game himself) but all in all ive never seen this side look worse!

A few positives – we may have drunk all the spice gold pretoria has! Second i saw this in the bathroom at half time which made me laugh so hard the guy next to me almost clapped me . . .

Thank you too all the people in the box who put up with us – thank you to whatever after party club we were at for not getting upset when we jumped over the bar and stole your ice buckets and thank you to Pretoria for a good outing in general!

And finally . . ahhh Pres you so funny man (damn the White House has gotten funny!)