If you havent been reading for a long time, you will no doubt be unaware of our ‘sometimes – mostly not’ correspondant aptly named Jack Spanish!
If you feel like the long version – go read his previous stuff!
If not, here he is!
So!!! Where are we in the American Elections?
The Texan Rick Perry is out. Gone too, are the Pizza Man, who realized the tactics which worked for OJ – deny, and refuse to testify, might work in a court of law (yes it does), but not in a presidential race; the Prettier Palin, who realized that the Lord Jesus…still…sadly…works in mysterious ways (thank God); J Huntsman Jnr who realized that no one, anywhere, wants a person with Jnr anywhere near his name to be ruler of the ‘free world,’ EVER AGAIN. There is a Daddy’s Boy left, mind you, not quite a Jnr but still a Daddy’s Boy, his name is Mitt, and no one really knows what that stands for. At the moment Daddy’s Boy Mitt is squaring up against Our Newt (whose not quite honest bread) for the Republican nominee. Ricky Baby (Sanitorum) and the Old White Man Ron make up the Famous Four. Our Newt (whose not quite honest bread) is the momentum front-runner fresh off the lynching in South Carolina. If you ask me it was eerie the way the Texan Rick Perry withdrew on Erev South Carolina Caucus, and handed Our Newt his endorsement and the double digit lynching which put his messy campaign back on track. I can only think that a meetin took place in the South on a Ranch, and men with full heads of hair, big buckled belts, white teeth, and large hats covering their eyes, told Our Newt that he was now their choice, the way their Daddy’s once said the same thing to Nixon. After the meeting someone from that Ranch placed a phone call directly to Rick Perry, who shook when he saw the number, because he always shook when the number called, and that man said, ‘thanks son, you’ve put up a good smile, and your hair is great, but Newt is our new choice, and that means pardner that he is your new choice.’
Evil just threw its lot in with Our Newt, I’m not saying that Our Newt (whose not quite honest bread) is evil…I’m just saying that he is evil’s choice.
That gives Ricky Baby (Sanitorum) One, Daddy’s Boy Mitt One, Our Newt One, and the Old White Man Ron zero as they move into Florida, that little old place by the water that gave us inconvenient truth. What I think about Florida is the same that I thought about Iowa, and New Hampshire, and South Carolina – if any of the Famous Four make their way into the White House the coffin containing the last remnants of the American Dream will be nailed shut, and buried: deep.
I suppose some might ask why anyone who is not an American might be interested in the election? The answer is simple – I just can’t stop myself it – it’s like trying to ignore a car crash, a nun with a javelin through her head, or two women kissing on the train home after work. In 2012, THIS is the greatest show on earth – the American Elections makes X Factor look like a pancake, the FIFA World Cup a raison, Danny Boyles opening ceremony at the London Olympics a piece of string. It’s a jerk off the likes of which this world has never seen – and I for one am always up for a good jerk off, especially when the cock is Democracy.
27 January 2012