February, 2011 | Suck the Marrow out of Life
Browsing the blog archives for February, 2011.

Mmmmmmilk…

Just plane funny :)

I find the idea of breast feeding rather grotesque. I get that it’s natural and something that the bulk of us have sucked on, but the thought of drinking large quantities of another human’s bodily fluids doesn’t sit so well. And on the “natural” thing, let’s not kid, we don’t exactly live as nature intended.

My view on this might not be widely shared but when it comes to breast milk ice cream, I’m sure most will think it’s a little odd. It’s also a little odd that even with my aversion to the idea of sucking tit milk, I’m still a little curious to try the concoction.

When a well-stocked ice cream parlour says they sell every flavour, there are usually limits.

But one restaurant in London is selling breast milk ice cream which is being served to customers in a cocktail glass.

Icecreamists, based in Covent Garden, have named the £14 dish Baby Gaga.

Victoria Hiley, 35, from Leeds provided the first 30 fluid ounces of milk which was enough to make the first 50 servings.

But the company are looking for more women to provide breast milk – and are providing £15 for every ten ounces extracted using breast pumps.

The recipe blends breast milk with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest, which is then freshly churned into ice cream.


Read the rest here.

Makes me think of the movie Grown Ups which was surprisingly funnier than expected.

2 Comments

This is too sad / funny for a Friday!

Sometimes life is sad...

We posted a video a while ago of a Minister (Government not religious) of an African country holding a press conference about gay people. Now if you haven’t seen it, watch it! Watch it now because you will absolutely and up on the floor killing yourself laughing! You will laugh every time you see it and each time it will get funnier, until you stop laughing.

Because when you stop laughing you’ll realise how frightening it is, how scary it is that leaders of countries can firstly be this uneducated and secondly wield so much power that they can make people illegal for sexual orientation.

Now I know this is not unheard of. But let’s be fair its 2011! 2011 people! Haven’t we moved on, I mean isn’t the world liberal enough for an idiot like this to be beaten globally as soon as he posts a video like this – evidentially not!

I’m not sure if this is the same country but just for a minute after you have stopped laughing, think that this is an actual newspaper article in an actual country – that’s terrifying!

2 Comments

It’s like riding a bike

Sport

We’ve posted a couple of times about Danny MacAskill, one of which was in this post, which also happened to have Marissa Miller. Nice. This dude should really be called Danny MacBikeAskill. I’ve always questioned whether talent is inherent or learned:- before I was of the opinion that practice can level things out, but after watching this guy my view changes. I don’t think an average person could ever get this good. Even with 10 000 hours.

The clip is quite long, and while the riding may not be quite as good as the first video we showed, it’s still amazing. And the beauty in scenery and filming makes up for it. Watch it…

Thursday’s Threesome

Beauty Beauty Everywhere . . .

This week the picture may not be kosher, but it’s pretty damn cute. The same applies to the picture after the click, except that they’re definitely not pigs.

If this is true . . .

Technology is fun!

. . . It is the greatest thing I have ever seen!!

I was in Istanbul last week and decided to hit a VERY authentic restaurant for dinner. Now, as I normally do in these types of situations, is call some dude who works there who speaks the most amount of English and ask him what he suggests, sometimes you get balls, but mostly this works out!

In this specific instance the dude I was talking to had an English vocab of a smile and hence the following.

I tried to ask what he suggested and to point out five dishes on the menu which he did, smiling, as I sat downing my litre draft. He then went away and didn’t return for two hours except to refill the beer and clean the ashtray. After the third hour I realised HE IS NEVER BRINGING ANY FOOD EVER and I have no idea what conversation had taken place previously but it did not seem to include the words ‘I will have the following’

The reason I tell you this story as that this app seems far too good to be true – it would help me specifically without end because when I travel I like to get into as much local as I can and that is really difficult because you can only get so far with stupid English as a first language and Afrikaans (you can get NO WHERE) as a second!

I don’t like to praise apps before I’ve tested them out but this certainly looks life changing!

This video is the demo . . .

This is the explanation!

Few people could say it as well as John Vlismas!

Local is / is not lekker

While I am showing off true genius in pictoral form (GO HERE) I may as well also give you genius in verbal form.

Here is the far for intellectual and eloquent argument rather than my emotional rant . . .

Dear Steve

You’ve been at it again. You’re saying that it’s hard not to be a racist because “the blacks” keep jumping over walls and killing whites and their children. You say that whites would never do such a thing. Then you used Bono to get yourself back into the press, even though you didn’t even understand what he said, and if you did, you chose to twist it to fit your increasingly menacing agenda.

Now you’re creating more hate speech on your blog, and whipping up anger with your insistence that Afrikaans people are being massacred. You say Afrikaanse people are being killed like flies, but you have no statistics to show how many other South Africans die unnaturally every year. I cannot for the life of me understand what it was you were doing in that bookstore the day we chatted … you certainly could not have been reading.

I see that you list my comedy as a major source of propaganda against the “boere”, and I also notice that, for all your posturing, you still do nothing. Your rewriting of the U2 song is just another indication that you are incapable of original contributions to society, other than samples of protein that you seem to produce as quickly as you can distribute them. I wonder if all the black people you claim to know so well also hit their women after they’ve leapt over the walls in your head.

Your reaction to the farm deaths show us that you are not reliable under real pressure, that when you reboot, it is to a default right click. If you love your country so much, why don’t you use your influence to sow reconciliation, community action or harmony? Perhaps you know deep down that in a harmonious South Africa, middling ability may fall under a sobering searchlight?

You rail against crime in your blog, you make inflammatory statements on behalf of people who feel threatened and dispossessed, you rub salt in their wounds, you excite them and you use their hysteria to generate press. What you’re doing is wrong, what you say is misguided. By rewriting Sunday Bloody Sunday to repeat the lines you are so dead against shows that you are fully prepared to perpetuate negativity — Bono didn’t get it wrong, you did.

You are punching above your weight, sir. Perhaps you can do that sort of thing around the house, but there are many, many liberal, intelligent and committed South Africans who really can’t put up with your transparent attempts to stay relevant in a world that is largely disinterested in your sound and fury.

Yes, the murders in remote areas are horrific, yes, nothing can ever, ever excuse what is going on. We must as a nation find ways to protect the farmers, along with everyone else in this country, but we cannot get anything done while you sit on the stoep, getting drunk on laager. Let’s make a plan, let’s form cohesive lobby groups, let’s have a plan. Perhaps you could spearhead a proposal outlining the economic impact on a nation if its farmers are lost? Of course, that would imply honest work, not making gratuitous appearances to eulogise hateful figures who perpetuate dissonance.

Goodness knows, we have a brilliant example just to the north? Why go and write yourself off as a nut job? I daresay that’s easier than putting in some elbow-grease.

Have you asked to see the president? Have you called the police commissioner to answer for the murder statistics? What have you done, sir? Apart from stand on your pop music soapbox and squawk?

It is offensive to me that you isolate my comedy as an attack on Afrikaans culture, I could easily view you as a huge symptom of where we have erred in choosing mediocre nationalism over bona fide original art.

I could say that your career is nothing more than proof that a culture will haemorrhage money irrationally in reaction to its perception of impending extinction.

That would be rude, and simplistic, and it would not serve any purpose, other than make you mad, and then I’ll have to have lawyers write you again, to explain the rule of constitutional law to you, just like last time, Steve. You surely must see that by breaking laws in defence of them is absurd.

You’re being dangerously childish with your plays for credibility — isn’t it ironic that you flare up again, just as Die Antwoord play Nashville, with a song that says “F-K Steve Hofmeyr … ” Why can you not help people to understand that they are now living through the horror of consequences? That many, many white people lived it up and ignored or enjoyed apartheid, leaving us … all of us, together to try and wade through this mess and see if we can’t make a better life for the people who will follow?

Why do you perpetuate the myth that only “your people” are suffering? We are all citizens, we are all wronged, but we are also all privileged that we saw the change, and some of us understand that history is asking us to pay a heavy and shared price, whether we like it or not? When you go on and on about the lives lost in the making of South Africa, you never mention the blood from the other side, the men, women and children who suffered when your “people” arrived on boats and took without asking — people who prayed to a supposedly Christian god to assist in slaughtering the locals … honestly? Who do you think is supposed to pay back that which was taken? If not you and I, who?

What do you think will happen? Do you think the masses, the government or the nation at large is going to read an angry white man’s blog, and change the course of history? Perhaps you’ve read it wrong, like you did Bono’s comment?

The way I see it, you can keep representing a group that ultimately, and relatively, is not owed a say in the course of our country, unless, like all of us, it earns that say by action, not by entitlement, a word I believe you are aware of. You are riling people up and giving them no release, no solution.

There are many, many good South Africans, people who don’t take their gospel from angry, disillusioned light entertainers. People who face the grim facts: there is a generation of traumatised people we need to live through, our nation is an angry, abused teenager. We do have WHITE people who rape babies, we do have BLACK people who do great things, how can you possibly make statements that ignore the truth?

I would love to know how you see your current course of action having any form of constructive outcome. You are just throwing petrol onto a fire, and I’m not sure how you are different from someone like that petulant and politically illiterate Julius Malema or the twits who think it is clever to allow anyone to sing “shoot the boer” for that matter, which is not constitutional.

I really wish you had it in you to be a bigger man, you have a good voice, you should use it.

Sincerely

John Vlismas

4 Comments

Following on then . . .

Just plane funny :), Local is / is not lekker

If you didnt read our rant about dear Stevie Hofmeyer THEN PLEASE DO! Not for any other reason than i want as many people to read it as possible because its very true!

But following on from it, it seems we are not alone! The genius that is Zapiro understands quite clearly the message we are trying to get across here! The only difference is while i take a whole ranting page he can sum it up in just one picture!

Its old but it’s too fun to forget!

Advertising Genius!

Many kids grow up and dream of representing their nation and competing for Olympic gold. They practice diligently everyday and stand in their backyards imagining one day they will be standing in the middle of some of the world’s greatest stadiums being cheered on by a packed crowd . . .

Alas, most, in fact almost all of these kids will never get their chance. They will never even see these stadiums and their dreams will never be realised . . . UNTIL NOW!

The brilliant people of TROJAN CONDOMS have given us the Trojan Olympics which I think far exceeds the brilliance of the regular crap ones (and I was one of the kid dreamers – well not really but let’s just say so to make it far more dramatic!)

The Trojan Olympics pit the greatest in the world, at probably the most enjoyable sport there is, against each other in similar type of events but ones that evoke far more enjoyment from both the participants and the spectators.

Just watch the videos and you tell me if we really need the 100m sprint or the bloody triple jump anymore?

GO HERE to see the rest!

Thursday’s Threesome

Beauty Beauty Everywhere . . .

This week we give you three, very big… dooses (that doesn’t seem right, what’s the plural of doos?). Anyway, Steve for the reasons in Mike’s rant, Amos for the royal fuck up that’s Joburg billing and Julius for just being Julius. The other side of the pic makes up for it though. It’s kind of like driving a Dacia in traffic and straight afterwards a Ferrari 458 on Stelvio Pass.

Steve Hofmeyer VS U2

Local is / is not lekker

You know when I think about writing this it makes me angry. I clench my fists in annoyance that people like Steve Hofmeyer (ill refer to him as SH – it keeps my blood pressure down) will continue to make South Africa look like a bunch of amateur hicks in a professional world forever!

Before the U2 concert he said that in response to Bonos interview statements he would throw his tickets in the Juksei River. Now, I know, at first I laughed too and thought fantastic one less doos ill have to deal with at the concert. After I had read what Bono had said and how he never spoke of any Boers being killed (although I think there may be one on that list now Stevie) or any racist songs he merely said he thinks revolution songs have their place. He said his uncles used to sing them and he as a kid used to sing them but they can be very dangerous if sung in the wrong place or time.

Now I may not be a man of the massive quality of SH but fuck me that sounds like a pretty level headed response, doesn’t it? Isn’t that the perfect answer to a stupid bloody question in the first place? The problem is dear Stevie wanted to stand up for his peoples! He wanted to be a big man and try take a stand against the immense legend that is Bono and U2.

So Stevie, here’s my response . . .

Before you ever open your stupid trap again please consider the grandeur of the man you are talking about.

Their songs have been anthems for generations you idiot, their humanitarian work has had everyone from UN secretary generals to Presidents to the world’s greatest CEOs bowing down in appreciation for their work! They pack out stadiums in every corner of the globe and when they get to their adoring fans they thank them, not in the way you and your amateur Dutch buddies do like narcissistic morons, but like men who have transcended the need for attention. A place I’m quite sure you will never get but to be fair you don’t ever deserve to.

You are a humiliation to most people who see you and now you have pushed too far, you have tried to be a hero and I wouldn’t give a shit ordinarily but when Bono has to read about how some dick threw his tickets in the river cause he is too fucking stupid to read properly I get a little grumpy.

You have made us all look EXACLTY how we try so hard not to look. Like a bunch of kids who got their chance at the grown up table and vomited on the table cloth after eating too many sweets!

Next time, get one of your tone deaf, re-tard, fans who seem to enjoy having your love children to pay you some attention so you don’t feel like you are being ignored and don’t make an arse out of the rest of us.

The irony is you were there, you were at the concert and you had tears streaming down your face when you heard U2 play target=”_blank”>One and target=”_blank”>Sunday Bloody Sunday and target=”_blank”>With or Without you because even though you play the big man when the media is watching you are exactly like the rest of us! Fans in awe of true musical greatness! So shut the fuck up and appreciate true brilliance!

I was there that Sunday night at soccer city. Those four friends didn’t come here for praise and for adoration. They came because they love their fans, they love Africa and they wanted to show their appreciation by giving us their gift of true musical talent. Those men transcended humans that night, they played songs I’ve been listening to for as long as I can remember with as much heart and soul as if it were the first time they’d played them, not the hundred thousandth!

They gave it everything that night and they were spectacular!

I truly hope men of their status didn’t get the newspaper to read some average, post apartheid singer, clinging to what were the dark ages, commenting on something they said and if they did, I hope they chuckled to each other because they know how sad a career you have to have to try and get some spin off spotlight!

Well done Stevie you really showed them!

4 Comments

Why HEINEKEN is just too cool . . .

Advertising Genius!

By now if you don’t know how much we love the brand with the RED STAR then go see for yourself – they seem to pop up in completely unrelated territory all the time.

Now I was trying to work out why it is that we enjoy these guys beer so much and I’m sad to say that it’s because of their marketing I’ve realised. I mean they are the Champions League sponsor first off which does give them a great advantage BUT more importantly their marketing ‘public’ track record is impeccable!

They have brought us sensational advertising, brilliant activation and now the perfect way to enter the coolest party the world has ever seen!

I have to say (and it’s a hard pill to swallow because as a marketer I’ve seen behind the curtain on this kind of thing so I really SHOULD know better) but watching this promo, the next time I find myself in a party of such proportions with a Heinie in my hand, I will feel a little cooler after seeing this, and isn’t that exactly the point?

Isn’t the point of marketing in whatever form trying to convey a message to the consumer? Make them feel what they would feel when they experience the brand?

Take a look and tell me if you can’t see yourself as the lead in this clip (maybe it’s just me but then again I can always see myself in this kinda party playing this role ;) )

Tippexing YouTube

Advertising Genius!

At first when I got this I thought it was going to be about a dude trying to shoot a bear and getting pwned in the process. Few things make me happier than seeing a trophy hunter / bullfighter / *insert any other sick fucker here* getting taken out by their “prey”. It wasn’t what I thought, but it still made me happy. It’s really cool to see some creativity cutting through the clutter of so much of the crap advertising that we’re bombarded with. This must be one of the best online campaigns ever. Big claim I know, but watch it and see (you’ll need to click through to target=”_blank”>YouTube for it to work properly)…

You tried typing “fucks” in the space, didn’t you?

Very naughty.

Thanks James

Egypt scares me . . .

International

At first i declined to write about Egypt because, well, it really didnt affect me at all i guess but a few nights ago after meeting the man who I think runs organised crime in Istanbul, having far too much Raki at dinner and Grey Goose Vodka at the W bar while ‘Tony Soprano’ told me that I have to let him know in advance when I come back to Istanbul (I think he may want me to smuggle in drugs for him) I saw Mubarak step down, in four languages on two W suite TVs on 7 news channels, in Egypt after ruling for 30 years.

His rise to power was similar to most African dictators, he led a revolution or was part of one, became a favourite of the people and those in power and then when he got his moment he seized it. He just never worked out when the correct time was to move on from it and so the hands that held the Egyptian people aloft became an iron fist that held them by the throats and ultimately were the reason his reign came to an end.

The problem I have, and I assume Ill have many disagreements about this, is the way he was deposed. I guess if I were completely honest he would never have gone had the people not taken to the streets, but my concern is the way the masses are starting to control politics of countries. What should happen is the democratic process should allow the majority of any country to have a voice in its leadership and while I agree in this instance that was not allowed to happen, my point is what if it was? What if the masses just were sick of a leader and decided to march, riot, loot and pillage until the leadership stepped down?

What’s stopping the people from throwing a country into chaos as they have done with Egypt? (Although in this case with valid reason). Is it the army? The police? Are they any match for millions marching on a town square? That is assuming they are in fact against the masses because as in Egypt the army merely kept the violence to a minimum rather than stopping the protest!

Egypt is certainly not the first time a leader has been deposed by the people but, for me, it just seems like a frightening realisation that the masses hold the fragile balance of any nation in their hands and who’s to say that if they are not happy with their share that they will take to the streets?

I rejoice with Egyptians and applaud their bravery and courage in finally taking the most important of stands but I cannot help but think that they have opened the eyes and ears of the rest of the dissatisfied people around the globe who want to emulate their ‘victory’ even if the intentions are not as noble!

FOR MORE PICS GO HERE!

2 Comments

Leaders are born . . .

International

I love speaking in public, the bigger the audience, the more emotional the message the better. I love to speak whenever I can, probably because as the youngest child I never got a chance to talk growing up, but more likely because I’m a slight narcissist. Whatever the reason, it means that I enjoy watching great orators speak. I enjoy listening to how they command an audience and capture them merely with their expression and emotion! In fact Id go as far as to say the delivery is far more important than the message itself in most cases.

This speech is one of the greatest I’ve ever seen and surprisingly for me it has absolutely nothing to do with the delivery. In fact the story that this man tells is one of the most captivating and intriguing ones I’ve heard!

If you listen to the life he lived (or survived rather) you can understand why I believe leaders are born and not created. I’m talking about true leaders, those who can lead people. There are millions that are smart enough to lead business etc but very few who can really connect with people, and enough people to be able to lead them and change their lives in some way. I find it hard not to believe that this man was not destined for greatness (and I’m not a massive believer in destiny as it is)

When you watch this video you will come to appreciate just how often things didn’t go his way and how many times he had to start over both in life and business.  You will also realise just how much he has impacted on our lives (if you didn’t know already).

I’ll give you an example that he gives but he doesn’t quite go into the ramifications.

When he failed varsity he decided to drop the courses he didn’t like and start doing some he did of which one was calligraphy. Now when he developed the first Mac computer he used this to create something called ‘Fonts’. Now if he hadn’t gone into that class we probably wouldn’t have the 1000s of different fonts we have today. It’s a tiny example which seems insignificant but just think for a moment when you click the drop down of which font to choose (and the millions of corporate who have their own fonts) those are there because of him!

If you haven’t seen this speech I suggest you watch it, it is truly one of the best stories given on one of the most interesting lives I have ever heard!

Just to show you where STM is hanging out this week . . .

High Flying!

The snow was good but we decided to hit a city we hadnt seen before so ISTANBUL was the place!

Now if you are visiting a city, any city, and their is a W hotel? You stay there! I learnt this very quickly in BARCELONA!

So this is where we are hanging out this week W ISTANBUL!

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